Putting on My Red Lipstick

I did not realize that I had not posted since November.  I knew it had been a while, but 3 months...Wow!  I've been contemplating my next post for a while now.  I want to be honest and transparent, but there's a part of me that shies away from that.  I want everything to look great even when it's not...isn't that human nature?  We want to put up a facade so that everyone thinks everything is okay....

I had a friend tell me once that I just needed to "put on my red lipstick and go."  Now that probably won't mean much to anyone, but for those of you who know me, you know that I always have my makeup on, including lipstick, when I go anywhere.  I blame my mother for this because she always told me that you never go anywhere without your makeup and she modeled that behavior for me.

Back to my story, when I was told to "put on my red lipstick and go" it was at a particularly low time im my life.  I was battling depression.  At the time, I was so sure that I couldn't be depressed.  I had everything going for me.  I had a wonderful husband, two wonderful children, I was a stay-at-home mom.  I knew something wasn't quite "right" with me, but I was certain I couldn't be depressed.  I went online and took the little test they give for depression.  Even though I answered "yes" to every question except one, I was still not convinced.  I finally broke down and went to a therapist.  I told him the very same thing.  I was not depressed even though I had answered "yes" to every question except one.

You see, I was putting up a facade.  I was putting on my red lipstick on pretending that everything was okay in my life.  I knew it wasn't, but I couldn't let anyone else know.  I felt like I had to hide behind my red lipstick and smile.  I was hurting on the inside.  I was hurting my husband and my children because at home I didn't have to put on my red lipstick and smile and pretend that everything was okay...

I don't know why I felt compelled to share this today, but like I said I feel that we, as women, sometimes feell like we have to put up a facade and pretend that everyrthing is okay even when it's not.  My prayer is that we, as women, wives and/or mothers, can be transparent and that we can realize that it's okay to hurt.  We need to share our feelings with others and with God.